in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
