I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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