I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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