I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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