WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
