that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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