so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
