she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
