Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
