I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
