I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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