"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
