my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
home. puking in laundry basket.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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