is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
