Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
