This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
