i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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