I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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