just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
