Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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