I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
