what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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