Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
