How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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