dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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