i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
