she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
