just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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