If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
