Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
