i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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