One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Two words: nipple clamps
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