This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my shit smells like andre
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
