The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
