Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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