he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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