I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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