can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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