Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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