i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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