life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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