how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
