i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
