apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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