In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
