I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
