i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize