Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
