I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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