So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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