Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
