You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
