Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
