if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
