I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
