I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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