This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
