is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
