was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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