I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
