How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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