Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
