Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
zippers are such a cool invention
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
