I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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